Saturday, 3 January 2009

A Wee Pain!

Going to the loo...

for some most of you not a problem...but for Boo it's often a bloody nightmare! Some of the worse toilets include; motorway service stations, bus stations, airports, train stations, department stores...in fact the list is endless...but the worse ones are anywhere that has a queue...

Boy do I have some toilet tales to tell...like the time I went to the toilet in a casino in the Bahamas and was marched out by a guard wth a gun held to my head! Like the time I had three attendants try and break down the cubicle door whilst I shouted for help and for them to leave me alone (I was petrified). Like the time when a woman ran out screaming and fetched two bartenders to come and get me out, she then threatened to spit at me.

Yes, I can honestly say that going to the toilet has certainly not been easy for Boo!

And what has caused these people to act in such a manner? They think I'm in the wrong toilet and that I should be in the mens'.

These experiences though, I'm loathed to admit it have taken their toll over the years and having to go the toilet in a public space can often cause me a great deal of trauma and distress. I find that I now always hum or sing loudly upon entry, I try and bring a companion along with me so I can chat with her and be seen as female. I plan when I will go and where and I avoid going at any costs if I possibly can.

I'm now 40. And I know I should think "what the fuck" and not give a damn. But it somehow makes me feel so vulnerable and exposed and I've been trying to unpick the reasons why.

I am a very out butch and proud dyke who feels fucking brilliant about who I am. This toilet business is niggling me.

Perhaps us poor butches who get this grief could agree to carry some business cards to hand out to the dum dums that make us feel so oppressed. Perhaps they could say something like "Butch and Proud" any suggestions?

After all Boo just wants to wee in Peace!

29 comments:

Dawn on MDI said...

oof. At 43, I find myself in the same situation at times. Fortunately, My chest is big enough that I can stick it out so it gets noticed if the need arises. Unfortunately, I am a large butch woman who also happens to work in the trades and often go into the women's rest room wearing workman's pants, big boots and enough layers of clothing to make my tits appear just one more bunch of sweatshirt material. I guess living in a small town helps. Most everyone where I go knows me. In other towns and bigger cities, though, things are more like what you describe. Wish I had better things to offer, but that's what I've got.

Running away with the Spoon said...

I vow to never complain about dirty public toilets again.

At least no one questions my right to be in them, however disgusting they might be.

Sorry BB, the only thing I can think of is if you can sing "I Enjoy Being A Girl" in falsetto (if you don't naturally sing soprano), at least that would hopefully give some dum dum pause.

Leatherdykeuk said...

I have exactly the same problem - compounded by the fact I have a deep voice as well. I avoid public toilets as much as possible.

Arial Ray said...

I have no help to offer here, just an anecdote...when I was in Quebec, nobody really gave a damn which washroom was which. It was not unusual to see guys in the ladies' room. And vice versa. More and more often I'm seeing unisex toilets.

femmeismygender said...

Ah Boo, it's bollocks isn't it? H has the same issue. S Bear Bergman writes about it in 'Butch is a noun' she calls it 'tranny bladder'.
I will have to lend you a copy, it's a fab book. Hugs fimg xx

Holden said...

I rehearse witty (or what I think are witty!) retorts in preparation for any confrontation.

Maybe we could come up with several of those to print on the business cards with "Butch and Proud" underneath.
xx

Zed said...

I too had no trouble in Canada. Everywhere I went to pee in Toronto I was smiled at and welcomed and I even saw a fellow wave me into the men's room when he saw me waiting for the women's restroom. He said "Oh, no bother, I'll let you go in and I'll watch the door for you so no men come in."
But now I live in Alabama in the deep south of the US and it's hell... I make sure I take off my coat, I make sure I smile at people and say "Hello" in the highest voice possible, just so they are not threatened and so that they feel comfortable enough to question me outright instead of calling security. It's a tough one...especially in winter when I'm wearing my leather with spikes and my Doc Marten's..they really do freak out, those southern women...

vixen kitten said...

To wee in peace! I had never even thought about this problem. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

I don't understand why we can't just have unisex bathrooms.

Happy New Year, Sugar!

Anonymous said...

Poor you.

I really feel for you and others that experience the same.

Something should be done about how youpoor butches are made to feel. It's because of you folks that us others are able to walk around with our heads held high. BB thanks and thanks to all you other butches for helping to make things easier for us others.You butch women are the stars and may you continue to shine brightly!

Bek said...

Thanks a bunch for reading my blog :]]

Dar said...

Crap!... I get the same thing, but never the gun to the head, the busting down the cubical door, or the screaming. I've just been lucky I guess and have never had the misfortune of standing in a 'I have to go pee' line up when I haven't shaved. You know if I were you, I'd just slip into the men's room and just hope they have a cubical in there. Men seem to be much quicker about that sort of thing; they don't have to fix their makeup or even bother to wash their hands, so you'll be in and out before anyone has time enough to come to any conclusions about your gender. ... And if they do happen to have an inkling of a clue because they see you using a bit of soap and water, well, at least they won't feel threatened. ... Stupid people. You have every right to feel proud and brilliant.

I'm thinking that card's a good idea.
Hang in there Butch.

reeflightning said...

while contemplating your quandary, i realized something ...

men often mistake me for a guy. women on the other hand seldom make the same mistake.

now i'm doubting my butchly credentials!

QueerRose said...

I like H's idea - a series of cards with individual comments and "Butch and Proud" underneath. Great post BB. QRx

Anonymous said...

Yes a great post B Boo.

I'm sure that I would want to break down the lav door if I saw you in the ladies lav but it'd be from lust!

Admirer

C said...

what the fuck.... a girl cant even go pee without all this palarver?
lemme at 'em, i'll pulvarise the mo fo's.....
i'm sorry you have to go through crap like that. it's not fair. i would be tempted to say somethin really sarcastic if anyone gave me crap, and put them in their place.
you go, boo.... BE THE FORCE.
;)

C

ps
my word verification is "phish" how co-inky-dink is that?!!!?
hah!

dolphyngyrl said...

You know there's a tshirt running around that reads "Yes, I AM in the correct restroom!"

I agree with the rehearsing responses comment. Try going for firm but gentle. Wit's good, too, if you can manage it.

How about "Well my last pap smear was in June. When was yours?"

*hug*

Anonymous said...

I have lots of bathroom stories to tell too but never encountered a gun...that really would have made me want to go! Once I ended up having a line of senior women standing outside the bathroom waiting for me to get out. When I walked out, the one up front pleasantly told me while pointing to the skirted silhouette on the door, "this is the ladies room", I started to smile then said, 'why yes, it is the ladies room and very clean too" and give her a bigger smile. lol, have to laugh cause it's always an adventure to pee. I like the T-shirt idea, or you could always walk in and say loud enough for the mutual bathroomettes to hear, "Girls, I've got bad cramps today!"

Dar said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dar said...

I've been following this, and you know, it's starting to really piss me off that you'd have to make announcements, sing in falsetto, or whatever that high pitched voice is, hand out cards, say stupid things,do a little dance or bend over backwards just to have a piss. ... huh, now that brings an odd image to mind, but you get my drift. pissin is private business, and everyone should have the right to do it in peace. Butch shouldn't have to do anything special for that right. No one should. I mean, come on! Here we all are trying to think of something she can do so she can have her few minutes of privacy. There's something wrong with this picture. ... not the privacy part, but our complaisance to a social structure that doesn't give everyone the rights and considerations that the majority enjoy. (stepping down off of soap box)

A. said...

"I am a very out butch and proud dyke who feels fucking brilliant about who I am." Brilliant :)

My law school actually did a study on bathrooms and GLBTQ folks. The conclusion was, well, pretty much your experiences.

Allison

dharmajune said...

Hi Boo,

love ya, girl, and my heart's breaking reading about what butches go thru. i like Running's falsetto-song idea but agree with dar that you shouldn't have to, and am wondering if just going to the men's mightn't be better--but if you meet up with a guy who's pissed at dykes, it could be worse than encountering the shrieking female homophobes. i'm a comm major and agree that making eye contact, giving a soft smile and a nod, and saying a few words of greeting may help diffuse any potential explosions. it's one of those frustrating necessary evils, and our lot in life i'm afraid. did you hear a rev on Oprah a few days ago refer to being gay as a blessing? ya gotta love it!

hugs,
dharmajune

Sweet Melissa said...

The bathroom conditions while I was training in the Army were so nasty. One time we approached a group of outhouses that were full to the rim. The one I chose to walk into was so full that it had a piece of crap sticking out of it that resembled a periscope on a submarine. I chose to rough it outside instead. Buttt.....at least I can walk into any public restroom with my grrl, close the stall & get it on with her without raising an eyebrow on the way in. Sorry you've been booted out for being who you are. I feel for you, my friend.

~wicked~ said...

hey Boo...always stay true to yourself...i've never seen a photo of you but i'm sure you're quite the hot butch dyke (my personal favourites) and no matter how butch one is, people need to stop being such assholes....your blog about toilet problems prompted me to send you this link:

http://globaltoilets.blogspot.com/

it just might be a fun read for you.

stay proud and true...you're beautiful all around.

CJ said...

Sorry you have to deal with that. Wish I had some sage words of advice on how to deal with it. Even as a non-butch I sometimes feel a little of place in the ladies room. All the primping and preening and mirror hogging while I'm trying to wash my hands annoys me to no end.

Dragon said...

I feel your pain. But I have never been assulted in the bathroom for that reason. Many times I will see people walk in and walk out like they went into the wrong one. Or me come out and they say, oops I am going in the wrong one. Or the "what the hell you doing" look.

Butch Boo said...

Hey all

Thanks so much for all of your support and helpful suggestions.

My girlfriend has sorted it all (well mostly) out for me! She has acquired a RADAR key which means I can go into the disabled loo whenever I want to!

I tell you- it's made the world of difference- I no longer have to stress out at the thought of going anymore! I now have my own private loo!

Thanks so much girlfriend.

Love to all

BB

X

QueerRose said...

Of course, it's far from an ideal solution, but you've had enough shit (toilet humour not intended!). I mean, a gun! FFS! Pee in peace Boo! QRx

Sinnerviewer said...

No suggestions but thanks for sharing your memories. How sweet!

Mister! said...

Great post, Boo.

I can definitely relate to this one. During a toilet stop in one of the biggest department stores in the city, I had store security come on in and check to see if I were in the right loo's.

Apparently a woman who was shopping near the entrance saw me entering the female toilets from afar, and then went off to make a complaint. Next thing I know, security comes barging in while I am standing at the sink drying my hands...