Friday, 3 October 2008

A Nobody

Leaning on a fence, legs drained of strength
Dirt tattooed, engraved on her skin
Body mere skeleton- thinner than thin
Who she is, doesn't remember
For she doesn't know
Who she was disappeared a long time ago
People walk by, ignore or just pity
Just some more litter on the streets of the city...

You and the atom

Every atom you possess has almost certainly passed through several stars and been part of a million organisms before they became part of you. We are so atomically numerous and so vigorously recycled at death that a significant number of our atoms- up to a billion for each of us, it has been suggested- probably once belonged to Shakespeare.
We are all re-incarnations- when we die, our atoms will disassemble and move off to find new uses elsewhere- such as a leaf, drop of dew, a newt or perhaps even another human being.

How small???!!!!!! The Atom

"Start with a millimetre. Imagine it divided into a thousand equal widths. Each one of those widths is a micron. This is the scale of micro-organisms. A typical paramecium, for instance- a tiny, single celled freshwater creature- is about 2 microns wide (0.002 millimetres) which is really very small. If you wanted to see a paramecium swimming in a drop of water, you would have to enlarge the drop until it was some 12 metres across. However, if you wanted to see the atoms in the same drop, you would have to make the drop 24 kilometres across.
To get down to the scale of atoms, you would need to take each one of those micron slices and shave it into ten-millionth of a millimetre. It is a degree of slenderness way beyond the capacity of our imaginations, but you can get some idea of the proportions if you bear in mind that one atom is to that millimetre line above as the thickness of a sheet of paper is to the height of the Empire State Building." Bryson

Sightings of Elvis

I was reading about sightings of Elvis the other day and this one was my favourites!

"it was different from the other ducks. It had on pants and a leather jacket and blue suede shoes. I watched it dance and sing for a couple of hours in front of a captivated duck audience. Then, Elvis the duck got in his pink Cadillac and drove away."

I've been looking for such a duck upon the river where I live- no luck as yet- I'll keep you informed...

some thoughts

  • Cheerfulness is a perpetual lubrication of the mind

  • Superfluous ornaments and junk increase labour uselessly

  • Information doubles its' value if it's made accessible

  • With gloves on- try guessing by touch what things are

  • Feel how things feel whenever possible
KD signing autographs in Copenhagen. She was wonderful and I hope she's now having a well earned rest with her feet up.

Poor thing- I couldn't do it; all those screaming adoring women wanting a piece of you....clinging on desperately for the briefest of glances their way...

OK! Maybe I could manage it- for a bit!


My loyal friend of 18 years- I miss you. X

Storming Norm

He was massive! Humungous! Built like a brick shit house- all 30 stone of him.

We met him in a church- the verger had very kindly agreed to open up for us- it was late, an eery night and really quite spooky in the candlelight. Me and Wend approached him- he sat on the floor as he couldn't fit onto the pews.

He had a chubby red wintered face, a nervous smile and a chubby sausage handshake.

Norman told us he'd been kipping out for 4 years after he'd been kicked out for stealing from his folks. He'd got a few habits and one of them he said was compulsive gambling which had destroyed him. Norm told us he'd been bullied for as long as he could remember, he preferred to hide away from people as all they did was hurt him.

Wend and I met Norm several times over the next few weeks in the church- we built up a good rapport and gained his trust. We arranged for a place to take him- a small, quiet, supportive hostel in Marylebone. We reassured him- it was only 18 bedrooms- most of the people there were old and he wouldn't have any trouble.

Norm was keen to move in though he had a question first. "Is there anywhere for me to hang my harness?" With that Norm pulled out a massive leather harness from his duffle bag, along with a rubber basque, bondage gear including cuffs and a whip. "I especially like dominant women" he said. With that Wend and I sat as submissively as possible! I wished I wasn't wearing my leather bikers jacket and we set forth to Marylebone with Norm and duffle bag in tow.

The Great Carbunkle!

Morese was as nutty as a fruit cake- I'm sorry but there's no other way of putting it!! A tiny 68 year old woman with her hair cropped dead short and the biggest "carbunkle" (her words not mine) on the top of her head.

She slept out in the salubrious Mayfair by her favourite church and her favourite wall. She'd store her sally army sleeping bag and other odds n sods in a disused telephone exchange metal green cupboard (her treasure store).

Morese had slept out for 30 years or so. In her 20's she was a nurse in Ireland, she had some sort of break-down and had disappeared. Only to reappear in a prison in India! She'd hitched to India and they had locked her up for being mad, she'd hitched all over the world by her 40's and been to countries that now have different names- Siam was one of her favourites apparently. Her father told us these stories in long rambling letters from Ireland that he'd send to us at our office on a weekly basis and Morese would store them away in her cupboard- not sure if she read them.

Some of Morese's happiest moments were spent in Woolies. She'd buy something almost every other day- it could be anything but her best purchases would usually be something electronic like a toaster or a drill. She'd then leave them on her wall for people to find and take home with them. Wendy and I would have bets on what would be there, the most bizarre offering was a kettle full of eggs! We both lost our bet on that day!

Every fortnight I'd treat Morese to liver and onions at a little Italian on North Audley Street- we'd sit outside ofcourse much to the disdain of the owner! I knew when Morese was happy as she'd hum an unrecognisable tune and Morese always hummed when she had her liver!

I wonder what's on Morese's wall today?!

Thursday, 2 October 2008

I like driving in my cab

it's not quite a Jaguar....

but my Dermy is lovely. Don't tell a soul but I love to sneak in and out of the bus lanes and through the congestion charging zone and get away with it.
Everyone's so much nicer on the roads to you when they think you're a cabbie and then ofcourse there's the added bonus of women waving at me as I go by!

Some black cab facts:

it's called a cab after the word "cabriolet"- which tranlslated means jumping goat. In the olden days cabs were horse drawn and looked just like jumping goats on the cobbled stoned streets in London Town. The term "Hackney" cab comes from the French word "hacquenee" which translated means general purpose horse. In 1625 there were 20 cabs in London.

They have to be able to turn within 25ft to turn into taxi ranks, and be high enough inside to comfortably allow gentlemen to sit inside wearing bowler hats!
I'm pleased to say I have had no bowler wearing gentlemen in my Dermy so far!

Only 1% of London cabbies are women. Shame!

Compelling force

You are led through your lifetime by the inner learning creature,
the playful spiritual being
that is your real self.

Don't turn away from possible futures before you're certain you don't have anything to learn from them.

You're always free
to change your mind and choose a different future,
or a different past.

Pig's Medicine Cabinet

You'll need to keep a few instruments, medicines and dressings, for emergencies:
* Thermometer
*A pair of rounded scissors
*10ml Arplex plastic syringe (re-usable)
*17 gauge x 3" or 1"
*Cotton wool
*Calamine lotion
*Pig oil
*Liquid paraffin
*Surgical spirit
*Multi vitamins
*Bar of ex-lax chocolate
*Erysipalas Vaccine
*Wormer injection
*Wound powder and antiseptic cream
*Crude disinfectant
Also- Ear notching pliers, ear tattooing set, nose rings and toe pliers
So my pig keeping days won't be as easy as I initially thought!

Wednesday, 1 October 2008

Just playing with you...

"I won't be a minute!" I shout up. You are tethered to the bed ...waiting. I close the door quietly behind me, pull on my helmet and ride off, safe in the knowledge that you'll be right where I left you when I return ravenously hungry!