Saturday, 23 May 2009

Marriage...I do I don't...

Boo's very much looking forward to going to the CP (Civil Partnership) of some dear friends today who have been together for 20 years. It promises to be a lovely day full of love and sunshine- and there will be a guaranteed knees up later...the Irish don't you just love them!

I have very mixed feelings on the whole marriage/CP really isn't for me. I get annoyed at the way society seems to view relationships- and it often places more importance on the ones who are married. (Judge Judy's catchphrase seems to be "Why are you not married??") One of the first questions people would ask about QR's ex- relationship was "were they married?" I really don't see that it makes any difference either way. I am always bothered by the question on monitoring forms- single or married? ...well I'm neither!

I know that for some people making a public statement about your shared love and betrothing yourself to another and celebrating that betrothal is important. To some it's about religeon and the church. To some it's about security. To some it's about having a legally binding document to ensure your assets are safely shared and you have legal rights should anything happen to the other. To others it's a statement about equality (although we still can't officially get "married"- we are allowed a civil partnership in this country instead). To others it's about having a damn good party...and bloody good on them all. They have my absolute, complete support and love.

But to me each day I wake up and choose to be with my girlfriend is a statement of my love for her. To me the proactive everyday choice to be with her speaks more about my love then being legally bound to her. I don't want a legally binding document in my relationship, I don't want the state involved in my relationship...

Don't get me wrong- I love weddings and CPs- so I'm excedingly grateful that not everyone thinks like me! I'm off to don my suit and tie and party here I come...

Love, Peace and Happiness to all- married or not!


Running away with the Spoon said...

Ah, this is what I love about you Boo! And what makes you irresistible. And speaks to the universe of all of who are queer, lesbian, gay, trans... we remain individuals who can, hopefully, freely make the choices most consistent with who we are.

As much as I have changed my position on marriage equity (suspicious, indifferent, and now for), I would not want or expect that everyone else should have to make the same decision, how could we? What I value most here in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts is that there is one "marriage" for all, the hurdles, the words, the rites, the rights, and the paperwork are sex neutral, as they should be.

I never favored civil unions, and didn't really understand why until Massachusetts became the first state to adds its imprimatur to one institution of government sanctioned unity for everyone, marriage. It oddly does make a subtle and significant difference for me. It does still feel like "separate but equal", with separate never being really equal in all ways. But the coming of marriage to Mass still didn't cause me to marry G. And I respect all those relationships, same and other sex that choose not to involve the government in their lives in this way. You're right, love is the most important basis. So let me add my own "YEE HAW!" to celebrating the love and joy that you and QR have in your lives. You are lucky to have QR in your life, and QR is most certainly lucky to have found you. Ain't love a glorious thing!

Running away with the Spoon said...

On a completely different note, I read a joke while I was waiting to see the Doc the other day:

Turtle goes into a police station, he is distraught and upset. The cops ask why he's there. He says I am here to report that I was just mugged by two snails on my way home from work. They ask for a description of the assailants. Turtle says, shaken, "I can't,it all happened so fast."


Dawn on MDI said...

Marriage is the hot topic around here these days. In Maine, our legislature passed and our governor signed a bill that would allow same-sex couples to wed. In fact, our local state senator was the guy who introduced the bill.

I don't know what the laws are like in the UK, but here marriage grants a lot of benefits that are vital. Like the right to visit my spouse in the hospital. By law, I am no relation to her, nor she to me. My father and I have not spoken in two decades, he has Alzheimer's, and yet HE is the one doctors will seek to make decisions about my medical care if I am unable to communicate.

At the public hearing on the marriage bill, I hear several people talk about nursing ill partners at home and then having morticians refuse to take the body because there was no "family member" there to sign.

That stuff is just not right. I want to be married. I don't want to be thrown out of my sweetie's hospital room. I don't want to be denied access to her funeral or have her denied access to mine. Tax laws here are probably quite different from yours, but there are many that have to do with inheritance things. Married people are exempt. Domestic partners are not.

Our law is scheduled to go into effect on September 16. Our wedding is planned for the 19th. But we expect the religious groups to gather signatures on petitions and force the thing to be held up until voters can weigh in on the issue. Our wedding will be delayed. The pissants. I have never interfered in anyone's wedding, why must they screw up mine?

God on you for celebrating with your friends. Keep your fingers crossed for us here on this side of the pond, eh? Thanks.

Anna said...

I wouldn't choose to marry again, myself. I don't me it doesn't seem necessary.

But, then again, in Canada, my partner and I would have the same rights and privledges as married couples after three years of living together - common law marriage rights are almost identical, for same-sex couples as well. So I really don't need the same level of protection that many of my friends do in the US. I can see why marriage is so important, and I fully support all efforts to bring in marriage equality. It's about time.

Jen said...

Love what you have to say here. My ex and I were planning a ceremony - but we already considered ourselves "married" and each called the other "my wife." We couldn't get any more "married" than we already were - with or without a piece of paper.

To each his own, for sure.

Anonymous said...

I agree. I am not much for marriages. I see nothing wrong with being with someone the rest of your life without the marriage status.

~seelenschmerz~ said...

marriage...been there, done that...ain't doin' it no more. i concur with your thoughts & feelings, BB. Besides, it's not the piece of paper that's going to hold it all together for the couple. it's the verbal, physical and mental committment to each other and no piece of paper is going to do that.

but, accolades to those who want to take that route ;-)