Thursday, 30 October 2008

My Mom Wanted A Girl..........

A girly girl.

Not a girl who at 6 kicked, screamed and flat refused to get out of the car to go to ballet and wear a peach tutu. A girl who at 9 locked herself in the bathroom, sat in a cold bath and cried her little heart out cos she didn't want to wear a green lace dress. A girl who had a "girls' world" (life sized plastic woman's head with a drawer for make-up) and liked to melt its' face with matches, cut all its' hair off and bury it in the garden!

A girl who often got called "sonny" but who hated being called sonny cos she was a girl... but not a girly girl.

I'm not transmasculine, I'm not transcending anything or transitioning I'm me Butch Boo.

You see my butchness is the very essence of who I am- of me. I was a baby butch and am now butch the elder (not too much of the elder!)

I was asked to write about what butches do. All I can write about is me... what I do is very much determined by who I am- I'm not butch because of what I do - I do what I do because I'm butch.

I'm strong- oh so strong and can beat most at an arm wrestle. My body language I'm told is butch I sit legs astride and strut. I'm the protector and very much the alpha. I'm told my take on the world is different. I sulk!

There is nothing inherently masculine about objects or clothing or activities- but I like to do and wear the things people generally consider to be "masculine".

I ride a big fuck off motorbike, I wear leathers...... I ooze prowess.

I wear aftershave not perfume, I would rather die than shop in a women's boutique. I like to fix, I like to mend, I like to hold doors open, I like to carry.
I like to be a dare devil- to take risks.

I love my ties, my suits and my army boots.

I love to pin my girlfriend down; to feel "masterful".

I hate being called sir and told I'm in the wrong loos.....I love being told I'm handsome.

My mom wanted a girl....a girly girl.

OK we don't swap make-up tips...but she does get to eye up the bloke's bottoms in their leathers when I take her to the motorbike garage!


QueerRose said...

You're very handsome indeed BB QRx

LL Cool Joe said...

Being called sir rocks my feeling in the world.

Cool list!

Angel-Ariel said...

My mom wanted a girl who was into all boyish pleasures...but I opted for the tutus and barbies.
Wanna trade for a day?

Dawn on MDI said...

Hmmm. My dad wanted a son but got me instead. A girl who acted like a boy, who had interests like a boy, who could turn a wrench like a boy, but who was still a girl. The little girl felt unwanted and resented being a girl for a very long time (she was, after all a poor substitute, and that was made very clear), but eventually became okay with it and now I am able to celebrate being a butch woman. Occasionally I get called sir, and it irritates me, but mostly because we tend to like to put people in boxes and categories and put expectations on their appearances and behaviors. I'd rather we just be people and leave our options open to explore.

Wordy Boy in a Floppy Hat. said...

Your self-comfort makes me suspect people say you are sexy too :).

Great post.

CJ said...

I want to know if the head is still burried in the garden.

QueerRose said...

Hmmmm...... I think you've forgotten to include a few things BB! QRx

Sublimefemme said...

You wrote this wonderful post just for me? ;-) I'm truly flattered.

How do you expect me to respond when I'm so distracted by you butch sex appeal? Not just your strength and prowess but your daredevil attitude, the motorbike, the leathers--is it getting hot in here? (she asks, fanning herself). That toughness combined with being gentleman who likes to hold doors and carry things and is attentive (had to get that in there) to her femme has, at least for me, enormous appeal because it's such a classic notion of the old school butch, which goes back to the
50s, at least in the American context. (I'd be interested to know if that's true in the UK too).

So I love what you wrote, although I do want to point out that what I was interested in is how you "do" butch which is to my mind different than "what butches do."
I've been thinking about this a lot and trying to figure out why some femmes describe themselves as "performing" femme (as well as "being" femme) but butches tend to speak in a way that privileges identity. You sum this up very nicely in your comment, "I'm not butch because of what I do--I do what I do because I'm butch." Again, I don't know how this plays out in the UK but even reading butch-femme blogs I see this difference all the time.

I guess what I'm trying to sort out is what this has to do with cultural differences between masculinity and femininity, or differences between how butches and femmes live in their bodies, etc.

Hope we can continue this discussion. And your girlfriend is a lucky girl!


PS Glad you like my lesbian vampire story. Happy halloween to you too!

QueerRose said...

Things you forgot about:

1. "man" looking - trying to find something and not being able to see what's right in front of you.

2. banging things to make them work.

3. kitchen drama - not being able to spend more than a minute in the kitchen without cutting or burning yourself / dropping something / soaking the floor - all accompanied by that tell tale "OH F***"

4. Not being able to look at mud without getting covered in it. And walking it all over the house of course.

I could go on!!! QRx

trousers said...

I enjoyed reading about what it is for you to be butch. It makes sense, that the crux of it is simply that this is who and how you are.

DJ Kirkby said...

My mom wanted a girl but she hadn't bargined on or prepared herself for that girl being me. This post was really interesting and I hope to see some more like it soon.

Queers United said...

amen be who you are

Margo Moon said...

It makes me so happy to meet a woman who's comfortable in her own skin.

Great post!

Teresita said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Capn Dyke said...

A Sure Pleasure it be t'be makin' yer Acquaintance, ButchBoo. Th' Cap'n will be makin' port here often. Well Held Indeed.

Nolens Volens said...

Got your comment about...uhm, the did you know it was me? At least the stem is mine! Hehe

Teresita said...

Sometimes I think about how babies are named, and how parents of a girl will name her something like "Shalandra" and thus express that she grows up to be so feminine, only to have Shalandra sign up for auto shop in high school and eventually own a Grease Monkey franchise.

Wilhelmina said...

*Loved* this post =) I feel like applauding you. And yes - you just have to be you.

A lot of it sounds familiar as well... I was a girly-girl when I was really young (before 8 or 9. I wore pink ALL the time. Eek), a huge tomboy when I was a preteen (um... 9-16? I'd get happy when people thought I was a boy) and now I've reverted back to the girly-girl with a bit of a mix and spice.

Thanks a lot for your comments on my blog btw =)

~Just Me~ said...

Thanks for dropping by. Very good post, my g/f says I'm a foofoo,and I say she's a butch in denial. She likes her long hair, and likes pedicures (with no polish). But that's about

Leo MacCool said...

this was just brilliant.

Real Live Lesbian said...

I think butch is more of an energy. I can just feel it when a butch walks in the room!

Firebolt said...

My Mom is pretty happy with the way I am. Only she doesn't know I'm gay.


Anonymous said...

"I ride a big fuck off motorbike, I wear leathers...... I ooze prowess" Man, I have no idea what you said after that. So fucking hot.

@Firebolt - that cracked me up hard.

Anonymous said...

Hi...thanks for your comment on my blog. I appreciate it, and look forward to getting to know you better. I just posted a new one, btw. Take care. - butchbear

Leigh said...

Great post - I remember what it was like when my mother or aunt tried to put anything girlie on me. I would cry and scream and pout.

I still don't wear dresses or anything too fem, but I enjoy being a woman and don't mind looking like one, so long as I am not a Barbie doll. Unless it's Tomboy, surfer Barbie.

gemmak said...

Hey...thanks for stopping by my blog. I'll be back when I have more time, looks like plenty to of good stuff read here....oh, and what bike? :o)

Butch Boo said...

QR- you're incredibly beautiful XXX
LL-thank you very much Sir X
AA- wouldn't swap my mom for the world but you can have my tutu if I can have your action man!X
Dawn- I'm sure you could never be a poor substitute for anthing X
SF-glad I was able to distract you from your intellectual journey and look forward to more debate and discussion X
CJ-think it's still there- poor person would have a big shock whoever digs it up!X
Wordy Boy- I do feel incredibly sexy on my bike or in a suit (like you must feel in your blonde wig!!!!)X
Trousers- thanks for hanging on in there! X
DK- sure your mom has somebody incredibly specialX
QU- amen indeed X
MM- glad to have made you happy- I am, incredibly so X
Captain- glad to have you here me hearty
Nolens- what was the pumpkin before it turned into one??! X
Teresita- you can make a name what you want it to be (eg you could be Terry) -nice to see you Tez!
Wil- sugar and spice and all things nice X
Just me- hello there foo foo!X
Leo- thanks mate X
Real live- I think the same about femmes- some sort of static electricity X
Fire Bolt- Oops indeed! Sure she'll love you all the more X
Greg- I'll get my fan out!X
Rev BB- looking forward to getting to know you better X
Leigh- Tomboy surfer barbie- sounds cool! X
Gemmak- glad to make your acquaintance. It's an FZ6 (nice n black n shiny) X

Thanks all for your fantastic comments makes me all the more proud of my butchness!

A big cyber HUG


Slyde said...

thats ok, i think my mom wanted a girly girl too...

Capn Dyke said...

We did it, BB. We have th'Chance t'turn this Juggernaut away from th'rocks she's been steerin' toward for th'last eight years.

Thank ye for your 'Xs' an' support.

A Low Bow, m'dear.

Butch Boo said...

A rum flask of rum is on its way to ye Cap'n!


Anonymous said...

Good read. You know who you are.
I don't consider myself butch nor femme, somewhere in the middle and I do like playing with gender roles.

the M word said...

don't worry, my mom wanted a girly girl, but this apple fell from the tree as well, and is growing her own strong roots !

LL Cool Joe said...

BB. Thanks mate. :) x

Dar said...

Very nice read, and I've enjoyed reading the comments almost as much. :)
...Gawd, I remember how stupid I felt wearing one of those dresses my mom kept trying to make me wear.
I like this line alot: 'I'm not butch because of what I do - I do what I do because I'm butch." Seems so simple doesn't it? Can't figure out why people need to be told that though.

Kris said...

Love your blog - thanks for findin me!

I've got a big soft spot for tomboys and butchies (ask my GF!!) I dig all this stuff!!

Its so awesome being able to be you. I'm starting to get a taste of that myself, finally.

What a wonderful feeling to be comfy in your own skin!

=) kris