Tuesday, 9 December 2008

The Ex Factor

I'm in love. Deeply so. I've learnt so much about myself in such a short space of time...it's amazing!

It's not been easy though....due to the Ex Factor.

The Ex.

The Ex she had a 25 year relationship with. The Ex she grew up with. The Ex she had lived with throughout the whole of her adult life. The Ex who she will always be joined at the heart with. The Ex who has told her she can come back to in two years time if she wants. The Ex who expected to be the one who will pick her up from the hospital after her operation.

The Ex who is the protector, the brother, the father, the best friend...

The Ex.

It's been hard...it's getting less hard...my jealousy and insecurity is mostly now at an acceptable level.

I still get pissed off at things...like when he phones to check my party is OK and she's safe (wonder if he'd do that if I were a male?) like how he calls her "love" when he speaks to her like he's always done. Like how his family are her family and I'm the big secret and always will be.

But I think that's what has made us so incredibly strong and solid...it not being easy.

I can't imagine being with someone for 25 years. I can't imagine what on Earth it must feel like to no longer be with them. It must be like having to try and walk again after forgetting how to.

My girlfriend is the strongest, most beautiful, resiliant and courageous woman I have ever and am likely ever to meet.

I' m so very very lucky.

The Ex Factor...it has taught me a lot and continues to do so.


Gorilla Bananas said...

Are gorillas allowed in lesbian bars?

Leo MacCool said...

that's a tough row to hoe, for you, too, as well as her. i admire your honesty in writing about it here, and your strength... i think the jealousy would drive me crazy, so i really admire your patience & understanding.

Arial Ray said...

The ex factor is likely tough for both of you - I'm glad that you are both able to see it through. There's hope for me yet - we share a child, so the ex will have some role to play.

LilliGirl said...

You go girl! J ahs that trouble in our relationship too and there are days it drives her crazy...though he and I are not best friends...just friends that had our babies together. :/

m.m.sugar said...

Buddhist Proverb

When the student is ready, the teacher appears!

The teacher can be a person or an experience.

It's all in the way we handle things.

This is difficult. Yet, you sound as though you are coping.

Love is a wonderous gift.

The relationship will flourish even more fully now.

Congratulations on your efforts.

Sinnerviewer said...

I'm leaving 23 years and it's not nearly as hard as it was living in it. No need to be jealous - she's with you now.

Anonymous said...

It is totally understandable that you feel this way and to put it out there like you have is so impressive.

The longer you are with your love, the more the ex factor dynamic will change. It won't always be as it is now.

~wicked~ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dar said...

Good on you for being able to control your jealousy and insecurity - they're one in the same. As someone else commented, you've no need to be jealous, she's with you now, ... but I can imagine what it's like; old habits die hard, and our lives are one big collection of habits - how we think and behave, what triggers our insecurities,our anger, what we expect..., good and bad. Looks like your learning how to manage with yours, hers ... and his. No one grows if they keep living in the habits they've learned, and love is certainly a big motivator for growth. ... Again, good on you! :)

... and btw, did you know that if you have your blog set as containing 'adult content' your followers don't get see when you've added a post?

Anonymous said...

Tis you aswell thatis the brave one. Really not sure if I'd have your strength.

If you are both abel to handle this then it is fair to say that you will probobly be abel to handle anything.

You and your GF are an inspiration!

Sabrae said...

wow 25 years??? that is a long time... but it will fade as time goes on...

Judith HeartSong said...

It is a very good thing to be in love!